Christmas - A True Hollywood Story

This Christmas was not like any other Christmas. It was crazy. We flew across the country to visit the Winns (my mom and dad on a mission in Salt Lake City) and the in-laws (who live in Farmington just outside of Salt Lake City). The plane ride was crazy, the nights were long, and Kenna got off schedule. Kenna got off schedule and then Kenzie got off schedule. Kenzie got off schedule and then I got off schedule. Here are the results of my little family getting off schedule.

A relaxing walk with the family

Pictures with Great Grandpa - Fail...

Christmas Dinner at Grandma's house. She figured out that she can get both feet in a single cup. Sometimes she makes me so proud...

As you can see, things were crazy. Even though the schedules were off, we managed to have some good times with family. We spent the first week at my mom and dads and spent a week witnessing the crazy life that comes with babysitting 160 19 year old missionaries. We got to see Sarah, the wonderful girl that babysat Kenna for the first nine months of her life. She is serving as a missionary in the Salt Lake City mission. Small world eh? We flew across the whole country and Kenna was happiest spending time with Jarom, Lixi, and Jenna. She eventually got used to Jo-Jo, Ki-Ki, Rob, David, Gandma, and Bruce. We had a wonderful time seeing them. The highlight was going to breakfast with my mom and dad at Mimi's Cafe. Jarom and Lixi attended as well. My mom and dad got to sit back and watch their two children and their spouses attempt to take care of the small ones while attempting to eat breakfast. Jenna was hungry and got grumpy and then wouldn't eat her pancakes. Kenna won't hold still and ended up dumping my entire glass of water on my lap. When I apologized to my mom and dad for the commotion that accompanied the meal, my dad said "Are you kidding me? That was the best time I have had in weeks!" Apparently he enjoyed watching our struggle. Someday Kenzie and I will be able to eat in peace. Someday.

Don't be fooled by the earlier pictures. There were lots of smiles too. The best smiles happened with the snow. Kenna's grandma got her some ridunkulously cute snow pants and she rocked them the first chance that she got. She learned how to make snowballs and had a blast. She didn't wear any mittens and got very confused when her hands suddenly got freezing cold. Whoops.

Kenzie also taught her how she could catch snowflakes with her tongue. She was very proud of herself for catching one and could not have been happier doing it.





The last highlight thus far was Kenna seeing her first horse. She got very excited and was even brave enough to give it a kiss. Kenzie was quick to wipe her hands and face with a wet one and then she dumped hand sanitizer all over her face and mouth to make sure that the horse germs died. Oh the hygiene of my wife.




I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. I will likely outsource the real blogging about Christmas to my wife sometime next week. Feliz Navidad.

To Grandmas

We are headed out to Utah tomorrow for two weeks! We are really, really excited. So are the grandmas. What the grandma's don't know is that SLC is merely a layover and we are abandoning our child with them for two weeks while Nate and I head to Bermuda for Christmas. We haven't given them a warning yet but there are probably a few things they should know about her latest developments...

Kenna can be induced into a coma-like state by being placed in the 'ng' (swing). Even when it is thirty degrees and windy outside she will still ask to get in the 'ng'. She'll want to have her 'nai-nai' (nite-nites aka silkies) and 'beekee' (binky) with her when she gets in the swing. The silkies serve as an excellent scarf to keep the biting wind off of her while you stand there freezing.


Kenna has to have a bath everyday. Although, since she has a staff infection again you will have to scrub the tub and all of her toys with Lysol after each bath. When she bathes she gets as much water as she wants. If she decides she wants to sit in the bath for an hour and forty five minutes (like she did last Monday), you must drain the water and refill the tub so the water stays warm. Also, if she decides she wants to lay on her stomach for a while and splash the water with her feet you have to drain some of the water and then refill it when she is ready to sit up. If you don't she will say 'ya ya' (water) over and over again until it makes you crazy. Also, Kenna has learned to "achoo" you. She gets water on her hands (or worse, fills up a cup) and flings it at you, to which you must laugh hysterically. We have found it best to put a beach towel along the bottom of the tub to try to keep the floor dry. Also good luck washing her. Haha.


After the bath Kenna will scream and fight you when you try to lotion, diaper, and clothe her like it is some new torture you are imposing on her. She will scream 'neeewwwwww, neeeewwwww' (no, no) over and over and grasp for anything to keep her from this routine. Oh, and once you do get the diaper on, it is probably best to give her a little break to run around before you clothe her.

Kenna loves Santa Clause. She doesn't freak out like most normal kids do. This is possibly because I have been brain washing her for a month by showing her 'ho, ho, ho' (anything related to Christmas). So, take her to see Santa. She will willingly sit on his lap, though she may pretend to be shy at first. Also, she can eat her candy cane as long as you put a bib on her and intermittently wipe her hands and mouth.

It recently snowed here in Richmond (even though everyone says it never snows here). Kenna thinks this is the greatest thing ever, though she isn't quite willing to touch it yet. Be prepared to be confused because her word for snow is 'no,' so when I take her outside I am never quite sure if she is saying 'no' as in "Oh, look at the snow!" or 'no' as in "No!! I hate it here take me inside now!" Good luck with that.

Kenna loves Jenna. Probably a little more than Jenna loves Kenna right now. Kenna is constantly trying to kiss and hug her. You will have to make sure they see plenty of each other.

And finally, after a long day, Kenna likes to relax in her custom baby-sized lazy boy. She puts her arms behind her head and chills...ah, life is good.

Good luck Grandmas. We'll see you tomorrow!

Oh, and Wednesday was our five year anniversary. I realize people would rather read about Kenna than our mushy love life but let me just tell everyone out there that Nate is the most fantastic husband and father around. He does nothing for himself until Kenna is in bed at night and even then he will occasionally help me scrub the kitchen floor on his hands and knees or clean the bathtub. Kenna adores him and I don't know what I'd do without him.

Spousal Abuse

I am a victim of spousal abuse. This is no laughing matter. Dozens if not several bakers dozen’s of men are the victims of spousal abuse every year. Let me share my story with all of you out there and hopefully it will serve as a source of inspiration for all you other men who are abused. To all you victims out there – it is time to stand up and speak out. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.

I hold a very specific corner of the market in the world of spousal abuse. I fall into the category of toe abuse. To understand this you will need to have a little bit of background. Anyone who has known Kenzie for a couple of years probably knows that she was a ballet dancer for most of her early years. During this time, she danced on her toes and built up an enormous amount of strength in her toes. She was pretty much just like Superman or the Hulk, but only with her toes. She could lift something like 300 pounds with her biggest toe. I suppose that is how this all started. The woman possesses an absurd amount of toe strength that is just waiting to be unleashed.

The second piece of background that you will need to understand this story is that Kenzie doesn’t mess around about her sleeping. We have a king size bed but she constantly complains about me being in the middle and crowding her space. Honestly, even if you are in the middle of the bed the other person still has more than enough space. Irregardless (that’s right – I used it), she gets extremely territorial about her bed space and if I encroach upon her “space” (which is usually about 2/3 to ¾ of the bed) she uses her toe superpowers and jabs them into my legs to force me back to my own side of the bed. Now I played football for a terrible team against talented players for four years. I know how to take a hit. But the Kenzie toe pokes hurt like no other. I have woken up thinking I am being attacked some nights because of the toe pokes. I think she could go in to business and teach self defense classes with the toe poke as the single defensive move.

So let this serve as a general warning. Kenzie is a toe poker. Watch out.

My name is Nathan Winn and I am a victim of toe spousal abuse. If I can speak out about it, so can you.