Parenting Semi-Professionals

When Kenna was just a month old, I wrote a blog about how I had learned the parenting tactics and strategy so well that I called myself a parenting professional.  Thousands of waste-filled diapers later, I have been humbled and chosen to downgrade my status to a parenting semi-professional.  Having to switch from zone to man to man defense is a lot harder than one would think - but I have still managed to be good enough for the Canadian league of parenting.


Here are three skills that set me above and beyond other parents.

Skill 1 - Swoop Rocking - It's a real skill people.  Callie gets grumpy at night.  This might have something to do with the fact that she had reflux really bad, or RSV, or the fact that she really doesn't like Alixa (still feel bad about that one Lixie...), but I have become an expert swoop rocker.  The key is to cradle the baby in your arms and then act like you are storming the beach at Normandy while performing the hurdles in the Olympics. Usually about 4-5 circles around the house will settle the kid enough for you to sit in the rocker.  It might be out of fear for her life or fear of being dropped, but it gets the job done.

Skill 2 - Stealth - I know most of you already consider me a sneaky 230lb tiger already, but I have become a ninja tiger over the past few months.  Callie decided to destroy my life by cohabiting in my bedroom at night.  I still have to wake up before everyone in my house and usually shower and shave before leaving for work.  Because of this, I have learned which spots of the floor creak, how to shut the bathroom doors without the hinges moaning, and how to go through my morning routine without waking the beast or the baby.  (I made Kenzie seem like the beast right there if you missed it - which would also make me beauty right?)

Skill 3 - Outsourcing - Why do something when someone else can do it for you?  In this case, I spend at least half of my time at home asking Kenna to grab me a diaper, fetch me a bottle, get me a burp cloth, or any other 3 year old task.  She stepped right up to the plate and shouldered the responsibility, so I have given her bigger and bigger tasks.  When it came time for breathing treatments to combat Callie's RSV - I outsourced to Kenna. 

Skill 3.5 - Speed Cleaning - I used to have time to clean once Kenna went to bed.  No mas.  Now I have to be more creative and innovative in my cleaning operations.  I am forced to put the baby in the bejorn or strategically put the swing or the bouncer around where I am cleaning, all the while either entertaining Kenna or allowing her to "help" me clean.  The first couple of days were difficult, but now I can pick up most of the house in just under ten minutes with both kids awake.  You want proof?  Check me out sporting the bjorn:

What I’ve learned from having a second child –

1. My dad says that when someone would ask my grandma how she managed to have nine kids she would say, “Well, one kid already takes up all of your time anyway so nine isn’t that much different.”  This is only partly true.  If one three year old takes up 12-14 hours of your time and one baby takes up 14-20 hours of your time I have somehow ended up with a negative number of hours in my day.
2. When multiple kids get up multiple times in the same night it is pretty much a death sentence for the next day.
3. It doesn’t matter how tired I am.  If the kids are asleep I want to sit awake in silence.  I don’t want to sleep.  It is a waste of quite time.
4. I have adapted.  Getting a full night of sleep actually makes me more tired.
5. The house is much messier with a baby plus a three year old.  Cleaning is an afterthought that goes something like this – ‘The kids are asleep.  Should I clean do something else?’ – something else always wins out.
6. No matter how crazy you think you are by the end of the day, a night of (even interrupted) sleep acts as a reset and you love you kids the next day.
7. A three year old is pretty handy to have with a baby, even if she doesn’t want to throw away the poopy diapers for you.
8. Child number 2 will never get any one on one attention because every time child number 1 sees you interacting with child number 2, he/she will come over and try to take the baby’s focus of you and onto him/her.
9. Specialized formula = very stinky diapers.
10. It is good to have the world’s most smiley baby because the beautiful smiles erase all the ear piercing screams.
11. You grow a new heart when you have a new baby and you really can love both your kids more than anything else.
12. When you have to leave your baby in the hospital, you leave something there with her and you are not complete until she comes home.
13. It is extraordinary to see your kids love each other.
14. With kids you can always find something to make you laugh, if you look for it through the chaos.